Download Care of Wooden Floors by Will Wiles PDF

By Will Wiles

A British copywriter house-sits at his composer good friend Oskar’s cutting-edge house in a glum jap ecu urban. The directions are basic: Feed the cats, don’t contact the piano, and confirm not anything damages the useful wood floors. content material for the 1st time in a while, he by chance spills a few wine. The condo and the narrator’s sanity progressively disintegrate during this strange and fulfilling novel.

Oskar has left numerous notes for his buddy, lightly teaching him within the right upkeep of the flat. yet over the process one disastrous week, because the state of affairs in (and out) of the house spirals uncontrolled, the notes tackle a extra insistent—and creepily prescient—tone.

Anyone who has ever felt not as good as a perfectionist pal will sympathize with the narrator’s plight. Wiles is a really humorous comedian novelist within the culture of these previous British W’s, Wodehouse and Waugh.

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But Since most of the idiots who get bitten by their fifteen-foot snakes the authorities arrived too also have alcohol around, this inlate. The snake had alformation could save lives, both ready constricted around human and reptilian. its owner’s chest and squeezed him breathless. One wonders whether the snake owner used his free arm to flip the bird to his squeamish wife before he died. NATURAL SELECTION: ANIMAL MISADVENTURES 33 DARWIN AWARD: WHAT’S NEW, PUSSYCAT? Confirmed by Darwin MAY 1999, SPAIN Two German tourists were enjoying their last day of vacation at Safari Park, a wild game park in Alicante.

How could evolution go so badly awry? The answer is that lemmings do not commit mass suicide when their population grows too large. They migrate, and during the mass migration, a few animals are pushed from a cliff, or mistake open ocean for a stream. The legend of the suicidal lemming proliferated after the 1958 Disney nature documentary White Wilderness showed staged shots of lemmings jumping from a cliff. Learn more about lemmings! html 20 THE DARWIN AWARDS We animals are all subject to the same process of evolution.

Pink Floyd, “Sheep” NATURAL SELECTION: ANIMAL MISADVENTURES 39 DARWIN AWARD: HUMAN HITCHING POST Unconfirmed by Darwin 8 MARCH 2000, NEVADA A woman we’ll call Stephanie, twenty-nine, was working with her young and spirited Arabian horse, which she had won in a lottery the previous year. The animal was only partially trained, and still a bit spooky. Every time Stephanie tried to don its bridle, the horse threw back its head and frustrated her efforts. Then Stephanie had her brilliant idea. She tied a rope around the Arabian’s head, and fastened the other end around her waist to keep the horse from throwing its head back.

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