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Download Get Out of Your Own Way: Overcoming Self-Defeating Behavior by Mark Goulston, Philip Goldberg PDF

By Mark Goulston, Philip Goldberg

Sensible, confirmed steps express the way to rework forty universal self-defeating behaviors, together with procratination, envy, obsession, anger, self-pity, compulsion, neediness, guilt, uprising, state of no activity, and more.

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Extra info for Get Out of Your Own Way: Overcoming Self-Defeating Behavior

Sample text

Remember, it is not in your power to make them Hut n . Understand . happy. Try to deal with them dispassionately and obiec- . tively. Clarify ahead of time which behaviors and anitudes you expect of them, and what they can reasonably expect of you. " _DONALD ROBERT PERRY MARQUIS "Inneliness , . , is and. " -THOMAS WOI,FE At a seminarr l asked an audience of 500 men and women to raise their hands if procrastination ranked among their top three self-defeating behaviors. Almost 90% did. Nearly everyone puts off until tomorrowwhat could be done today, even experts on self-defeating behavior.

By tapping into their hidden yearning, you might iust free them to give you what you need. " _FMNCIS8ICON Carolyn, a 50-year-old client, had a meddlesome mo*rer who always disapproved of her daughter's choices. "She won't stop ueating me like a childr" Car- t2) CHASING AFTER LOVE AND APPROVAL FROM A PARENT olyn complained. " Carolyn wanted what we all want from our parents-unconditional love and acceptance-but her desperate attempts to get it had the self-defeating effect of distancing her from her mother.

When that strong, virile actor developed terminal cancer, the thought "If it can happen to him, it can happen to me" spread like a virus. Suddenly, doctors and psychotherapists were flooded with phone calls. Unfornrnately, it often takes a tragedy to make us look honestly at our lives. Tragedies trigger reevaluation and regret, sometimes too late to make things right. Perhaps the most common example is the driven man who invests most of his energy in his career. Then someone dies-usually a father, a mentor or a contemporary-or the man himself is felled by a stress-related disease.

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