By Adam Carolla
My fellow Americans,
President John F. Kennedy as soon as famously acknowledged, "Hey, is that blond intern eighteen yet?" He additionally stated, "Ask no longer what your kingdom can do for you, yet what you are able to do to your country."
We've replaced much considering that JFK requested us all to pitch in. We've develop into a kingdom of narcissistic, yoga-mat-toting, service-dog-having, absentee dads and gluten-free, hand-wringing, hypochondriac mothers of overcaffeinated (yet by some means nonetheless lazy) twerking tweens. And our govt is a clumsy paperwork incapable of doing whatever other than going in our wallets and in our way.
We've acquired to get it jointly, America.
That is why I, Adam Carolla, hereby claim myself Candidate Carolla. The tome you carry on your arms is an announcement of my reason to whip our kingdom again into combating form, to get rid of the "what are you going to do for me?" mentality that has invaded our country.
President Me is my manifesto, my imaginative and prescient for a greater position . . . freed from vast govt, barefoot fliers, lazy hipsters who'd fairly "Occupy" than paintings, and the opposite issues which are bringing our kingdom down. With my cupboard appointees, my record of precious and helpful presidential ManDates, and a whole lot nice principles for solving our healthiness care, schooling, strength, or even nationwide parks structures . . . behold an the USA we will be able to be happy with. The the USA I see in my head.
You're welcome in advance.
Your destiny leader,
Adam
Read or Download President Me: The America That's in My Head PDF
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Additional resources for President Me: The America That's in My Head
Example text
Said Arthur. “None at all,” said Mr. Prosser, and stormed nervously off wondering why his brain was filled with a thousand hairy horsemen all shouting at him. By a curious coincidence, “None at all” is exactly how much suspicion the ape-descendant Arthur Dent had that one of his closest friends was not descended from an ape, but was in fact from a small planet somewhere in the vicinity of Betelgeuse and not from Guildford as he usually claimed. Arthur Dent had never, ever suspected this. This friend of his had first arrived on the planet Earth some fifteen Earth years previously, and he had worked hard to blend himself into Earth society—with, it must be said, some success.
That sounds perfectly reasonable …” he said in a reassuring tone of voice, wondering who he was trying to reassure. ” “Thank you very much,” said Mr. Prosser, who no longer knew how to play this at all, “thank you very much, yes, that’s very kind …” He frowned, then smiled, then tried to do both at once, failed, grasped hold of his fur hat and rolled it fitfully round the top of his head. He could only assume that he had just won. ” said Mr. Prosser. “Ah, I’m sorry,” said Ford, “perhaps I hadn’t made myself fully clear.
He waited for the applause to die down, then raised his hand in greeting. “Hi,” he said. A government spider sidled up to him and attempted to press a copy of his prepared speech into his hands. Pages three to seven of the original version were at the moment floating soggily on the Damogran Sea some five miles out from the bay. Pages one and two had been salvaged by a Damogran Frond Crested Eagle and had already become incorporated into an extraordinary new form of nest which the eagle had invented.