By Anais Nin
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Extra resources for The Diary of Anais Nin, Vol. 6: 1955-1966
Sample text
I want to help, to teach. To share and impart the wholeness I feel and the strength. I feel strength from my effort to learn first aid. I have overcome the neurosis at last. [Winter, 1955–1956] The New York Times: Moon is on sale only $1 an acre. Long Islander doing land office business in deeds to crater bottomland. For one dollar this is what the lunar buyer gets: A general quit claim to an acre of good crater bottomland. The fine print disposes of the mineral rights (including uranium). It gives the buyer fishing and winter sports rights near the site he purchased.
But I never solved the problem of guilt, which is proved by masochism. I can only get rid of the guilt by atonement. Analysis only helped me to shorten the periods of atonement. When you wrote to me about your restlessness and the guilt you feel for even wishing to be free, I wanted to help you. For that is the real drama, the real tragedy. It might account for all the masochism in the world, the sacrifices, the self-destruction. Guilt is at the core, the toxic effect of Christianity. I have often referred to the history of the Caesars.
As if aware of the ecstasy's short life, its fragility. I feel well, Dr. Bogner. I feel I can now earn my living. I look for pleasure in small events. For example, I now enjoy the foghorns in New York. Years ago I thought of the foghorns as signaling all my frustrated dreams of travel, they seemed like wistful sounds of ships leaving without me aboard. Now I think of them as joyous proofs that the ships are there, sailing back and forth, and that any day I will be on one of them. Isn't the miracle in the interpretation of events, in this transformation of nostalgia, regret, longing into hope and faith?