By Frankie Boyle
Brace your self, Frankie's again, and he's extra outspoken and brilliantly beside the point than ever. There are fears that this yr might see the beginning of a double-dip recession, or worse nonetheless a double-dip-with-misery-sprinkles and f**k-where's-my-job?-sauce. Why no longer giggle into the howling void as taloned palms achieve as much as devour you with Frankie Boyle's new booklet, paintings! eat! Die! In paintings! eat! Die! stand-up comedy's favorite pessimist, Frankie Boyle, deals his outrageous, laugh-out-loud, cynical rant on existence as he is aware it. He describes your truth as seen via a bloodshot eye pressed opposed to a shit-smeared telescope, interested in hell: * 'Charlie Sheen's existence includes occurring large drug benders with teams of porn stars. If he straightened himself out he can have a truly mediocre occupation as a bit-part Hollywood actor. taking part in the function of Martin Sheen's corpse. He's loopy like a fox! and likewise truly loopy. What a sad waste, now not being Charlie Sheen is. How majestic will probably be for him to die, very likely really quickly, understanding that after they make a film of his existence, will probably be a porno.' * 'The X issue may be allowed to teach product placements. That's robust advertisements. final sequence I realised that taking a look at the judges on my own had made me subconsciously purchase a gnome, a scrag-end of mutton, a vacuous model and a suspected gay.' * 'The Taliban are operating out of bullets. Operation 'Get our troops to take in them with their bodies' is ultimately paying off. The Taliban are discovering it very unlikely to pay money for crucial offers - eventually we're scuffling with on equivalent phrases. yet let's now not get complacent. simply because they're working out of bullets we mustn't imagine our boys won't get shot. have in mind, the USA troops have nonetheless obtained plenty.' A no-holds-barred journey de strength of comedian writing, paintings! eat! Die! is Frankie Boyle at his brutal, taboo-busting most sensible. this is often not anything roughly than the clanging name to fingers of a loss of life mechanical God.
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Additional resources for Work! Consume! Die!: I Am Actually Almost Completely Insane Now
Example text
A D7-class Klingon battle cruiser. But I can’t get anyone at the bakery to take my call. ” Sarah handed him the sticky note, and Jim noticed a wad of tissue wrapped around her right index finger. “My neighbor’s four-year-old bit me,” she explained. ” he asked. “Dexter was just telling me he—” “I couldn’t believe it,” Sarah continued. “Little brat sneaked up on me while I was walking to my car. ” She showed him the wound—just some bloody, baby-tooth-sized dents. But as Jim watched, the dents welled up with blood.
But the longer he stared, the more convinced he became that there were people in the gloom. Several, actually. And they were looking at him. ” Jim asked. “Homeless guys. There’s always a couple down there. Nice shady spot on a hot day. ” Jim handed him the note from Sarah. “She wants you to call this bakery. It’s about some kind of . ” “D7 battle cruiser cake,” Rodriguez said, nodding. ” Jim watched Rodriguez step back inside and then held the door for himself. Before returning to the storage room, he glanced one last time at the end of the alley.
He pushed open the heavy steel door and was rewarded with a blast of bright Texas sunshine. The humidity was stifling. He immediately started to sweat. And almost immediately he spotted Rodriguez, leaning against the wall with a soda bottle in his hand. ” Jim said. ” “I’ve been running around all day,” Rodriguez countered. “I’m just taking five minutes to catch my breath. ” “I’m sorry,” Jim said. ” “I don’t mean you. ” Rodriguez pointed to the far end of the alley, which opened up next to the Botany Bay’s front entrance.