By Anne Wilson
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Sample text
Nevertheless, occasionally, we find situations where it can be quite convincing that the child has adapted to a parent–child relationship pattern where his views were not truly taken into account. I was once having a meal with friends and, at one point, their seven-year-old son approached one of his parents with a request. Parents carried on talking with people round the table. The boy went off, only to return a few minutes later, when the same scene was repeated. After four or five such interchanges, the parents Brafman_Book_Final 30/11/09 12:12 pm Page 13 THE VIEW OF THE WORLD AROUND HIM 13 found it necessary to give me an apology: the boy was “just like that”, he simply could not stop.
Girls will occasionally try to join the pair, but often behave in a manner that a mother may take as being competitive. Under-fives are much more likely to approach the pair, and they tend to try to copy the mother’s movements. Clearly, the variations are endless, but what I ended up singling out as the most important investment for future family peace is the mother choosing some points in the nurturing routine where she can make the older child feel he/she has a definite place in the care of the baby.
Some schools, however, do assign staff to help pupils and parents in that situation and this tends to lead to dramatic progress. Other schools will offer that child and parent the opportunity to come into school and gradually become acquainted with its geography and atmosphere. Even when this is unacceptable to mother and child, a member of staff will speak to them in such a way that they feel that their reaction is understandable and acceptable, not final nor pathological, and this does make it easier for a more successful attempt the next day.